I’ve had a rough night with some difficult news. They tried to drain a sample of fluid from my right lung. During this procedure I collapsed as my blood pressure dropped very low (it remains steadily low). They lay me down and I had several, what I can only be described as, panic attacks while they tried again. I was in loads of pain so they sent me for another X-ray which showed that, in addition to the fluid, my lung has got very slightly punctured during the sample collection. This means I now have air as well as fluid around my right lung and I had to have a chest drain fitted. They are now draining 2ltrs+ fluid from my lung. I’ll be in for a few days. It’s so hard, even for me, to believe that less than 48hrs ago I was out running in my local woods!

The bad news is they think it’s a recurrence of my cancer and not an infection as I’d hoped. I’m obviously not taking this news well as just two months ago I had a scan that showed no evidence of disease. In fact I’m taking this a lot worse than my initial diagnosis and have had a few panic attacks and moments of hysteria – I’m now on a lot(!) of morphine which is helping my physical and emotional symptoms.

I’m attached to this joyous machine until my lung is clear and so I’ll be spending new year in hospital – joy!

On the plus side, my respiratory consultant assures me that not only will I be back to yoga next week but that I’ll find it a lot easier now I have use of both my lungs! 🙈

What a blessing all of you are to me and to each other – I feel embraced and supported by your love. Whilst I may not be replying to comments just now, know that I am reading them all and they are guiding me through this difficult time. Thank you xxx

I am being extremely well looked after by all of the medical staff. What a blessing their services are in moments like these.

Love and light always, Fi xxx