gratitude, health, holistic health, kindness, positivity, shamanism

The Source of Creativity

What are these wild and whimsical ideas that come forth to me in the dark?

Where do they emerge from when they burst through the boundaries of my consciousness.

Creativity finds its source in the most unusual places

We do not ‘have’ ideas. They come to us. They ‘have’ us.

Elizabeth Gilbert talks about ideas seeking their host. Nothing has resonated with me more. I have new book ideas every week. A new passage tries to birth through my fingers onto the keyboard each day. But I have learnt to only accept the ones that speak to my heart. I have learnt to only embrace the ones that call to my soul.

Where is my passion found? What is my motivation? What is the one true message I want to birth into the world? I ask myself these questions every time a new idea comes to me.

The answer is simple. The answer is always the same.

I want to teach people how to live, how to truly, unashamedly live their one beautiful and precious life with joy and love and kindness.

I want to inspire people to embrace the magic of the everyday, to break free from the mundane, the drama and the suffering.

I want to spread a message into the web of the world about hope, love and kindness. I want my words to demonstrate that magic and joy are not found in a perfect life, one without suffering or trauma or anxiety or fear. No, magic and joy are found in accepting our life just as it is, right now, without change, without question. They are found in the deep surrender of our heart and soul.

So I say yes, without fear or question, to the ideas and words that speak this truth – the only truth I know – and I send love and gratitude to every other message that calls out to my soul, sending them on their way to find the storyteller who ‘will’ birth them into existence.

I know why I’m here. I know what my message is, what my purpose is, and I will spend every moment I can expressing that through my words, both written and spoken.

I often see my creativity, my writing muse, as a crow that sits with me while I write. But sometimes she flies beside me, desperately trying to get my attention. Sometimes she pecks at my eyes and face while I try to sleep. Sometimes her persistent attention grabbing nature is unavoidable and I climb out of bed in a sleep induced daze and let her write through me.

That is when my best writing is done.

Other times, I find myself too tired, too busy, too distracted, and she simply flies off, delivering her words to someone more willing.

In those moments I lose my best work. But it was never mine. It was hers. She is the messenger from spirit, from source, not me.

I am written through, the words breath through me, through my heart and my soul and onto the page. They are not mine, they are yours, they are gifted to you through me.

May they inspire you to live the life of your dreams.

It’s all temporary, this precious life that we each hold. But, it’s up to us to make it memorably and meaningful rather than mundane.

And, in my experience, a memorable and meaningful life is found in connection, in acceptance, in love and friendship and hope and closeness and curiosity and passion and surrender to something bigger than ourselves, whatever that may be. But it is never, never, found in seeking perfection.

With live and gratitude always, Fi xx

health, holistic health, ovarian cancer

The Necessary Grief of the Life Unlived

My cancer markers rose again.

Four months in a row.

Slowly rising, creeping upwards, no longer stable and far from dropping.

It’s not good news.

My treatment is no longer as effective. The trial I fought for is no longer holding things at bay. There is a crack in the dam. The dam is still there, yes, but it’s no longer as effective at holding the tide back from crushing me as it once was.

Was I naive to think that it would keep things at bay longer? Was I overly hopeful?

I thought I was realistic. I thought I had accepted and understood the odds, that I realised how lucky I was that it had worked for as long as it had. Yet my tears tonight tell a different story.

They show the hope that’s been lost, the fear, the anger, the sense of defeat in a battle I never even willingly engaged in.

And while it’s far from over (I am still on the trial treatment and it is still doing ‘something’ even if that isn’t as much as it once was) this rise marks a turn in events.

No longer do I feel like I have the upper hand. No longer do I feel in control. No longer do I feel like I have a grasp on what is coming next.

It’s the fear that hurts the most. The fear of more bad news, of more pain, of less options, of death.

It’s the fear of breaking other people’s hearts, of no longer being able to keep a brave face, of losing my sense of self to this insidious disease.

But most of all it’s the worry that I took the time I had for granted; so busy telling others to live like they are dying that I forgot to do it myself.

I’ve had many great adventures yes but did I love enough, did I laugh enough, did I open my heart to the deep vulnerability necessary for true connection?

I don’t know. But I plan to spend the rest of my days finding out and making sure.

Today marks a change, a shift. Tonight it feels painful. I feel deep sorrow and grief for the life I thought I was ‘supposed’ to have. Tomorrow I will welcome a new day, a new phase, a new beginning.

But, for now, I grieve.

ovarian cancer

#LifeWithCancer

In January 2016 I was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer. I was just 30 years old.

Overnight my whole world changed as words like ‘incurable’, ‘advanced’ and ‘aggressive’ filled my life.

I though that was it. I thought my life was over.

It turns out that I was wrong.

You see, positivity comes from within and life is what you make it…

As for #LifeWithCancer, it’s been pretty awesome!

I’ve done some incredible things since I was diagnosed. I’ve set up my own Bliss yoga business for kids and adults, I’m about to publish a book to help other people facing adversity, I’ve been in two BBC documentaries, I’ve swum with sharks, been on a cruise, been to award ceremonies (and even won some award!), walked at the top of a mountain, most importantly I’ve started truly LIVING!

You see #LifeWithCancer doesn’t have to be the end…it can be the beginning of something wonderful. So go out and grab life. Claim it, live it and love every second of it because at the end of the day life is for living and having fun each and every day!

Love and light, Fi xxx

#LifeWithCancer

ovarian cancer

Documentary Release – A Time To Live

Hello Lovelies!

I wanted you all to know that the documentary I filmed for last year is coming out NEXT WEEK!

BBC2 – ‘A Time to Live’

9pm Wednesday 17th May

This will be broadcast across the UK and also available on iPlayer for a period afterwards. Please check it out and tell your friends!

I’ve had a sneak preview and it is AMAZING! I hope you guys love it as much as I do!

You can enjoy a clip now.

Love and light, Fi xx

Keep up to date on Facebook.

ovarian cancer

Macmillan Masquerade Ball

When I was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer early this year I told my family that I’d always wanted to go to a Masquerade Ball. 

So, my lovely big sister Pam decided she’d organise one and raise all funds for Macmillan Tayside.

In the following months she was joined by my parents and friends as they began planning the perfect night.

Through the power of social media, local support grew quickly and before they knew it they were having regular committee meetings, dedicating their free time to raising as much money as possible for Macmillan!

Last night it was finally time to party and it was incredible! I was completely blown away by the support of friends and local business owners who had donated their time and services to help with everything including table decorations, chair covers, photography, cakes, goodie bags, auction and raffle prizes and music! Everything for a perfect night was thought of and everything was provided to the best standard!

There were also a few special surprises for me including a signed photograph of Nina Conti, Ewan and I – some of you who have read my blog for a while will know that my Macmillan nurse arranged for me to meet Nina (my fav comedian!!) after my surgery!

And…

A surprise appearance and performance from Cautlyn Vanbeck and Jamie Lee Morly from this year’s xfactor…which was amazing!

Again some of you may know that before Caitlyn appeared on the xfactor she was busking in Edinburgh and I gave her one of my random acts of kindness! Boy did I get a surprise when she appeared on the telly a few weeks later! So when my sister asked for her support last night she was delighted to ‘pay it forward’. She is such a sweet pea! I was in tears I was so shocked!

I feel very blessed!

And!…as if that wasn’t enough…the final fundraising figure has been calculated and they raised on incredible £7777.77!!!

Yes all the 7s!! 💚💚💚

Which, incidentally, is a sign of perseverance, healing, ability to bear hardship, endurance and inner strength! How awesome is that!

I’m sure you will all agree this is an incredible figure from just one event!

Last night my sister asked me what was my favourite part of the night and, after some time thinking this over, I realise that it is simply the knowledge that so many people love me and my hubby so much that they are willing to support an event like this. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!…I loved every single second and I can honestly say it was the best night of my life!

I’ll remember and cherish it always.

Love and light, Fi xxxx

Find Fi on Facebook

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This event wouldn’t have been possible without the support of the following amazing people and organisations! Thank you so much!

25 Airdneiskich

2plus10 Clothing

AliBob at Cairn O’Mohr

Amanda Thomson Independent Phoenix Trader

Amy Annand Flowers

Angie B Photography

Anne Russell

B Designed Design & Print

Bears and Buddies Workshop

Blair Athol Distillery

Bodle Landscape

Boots UK

British Military Fitness Perth

Bruadar

Café Kisa

Café Tabou

Caitlyn Van Beck

Cath Kidston

Charlene’s Bespoke Bows and Cakes

Clarins

Clark Thomson Chartered Insurance Brokers

Copperfields Hairdressing & Beauty

Covers & Candelabras

Craic N’ Hair 

David Annand

Delightful events

Delivino Auchterarder

Dewar’s Aberfeldy Distillery

Direct Shine

Discover Beauty

Dundee Science Centre

Dunfermline Athletic Football Club

Fairy and Clean Treats

Fiona Whittet Make up Artist

Foxlake Adventures

Freedom Fitness Dundee

Gavin Clark

Glamazon

Greenleaf Creative

Heart of Scotland Tours

Ian Emmett Photography

Itison Dundee

James Grant Group

Jamie Lee Morly

John Gillespie Hairdressing

Killin Thyme

Lainey Mac’s Garret

Ledyatt Trout Fishery

Lloyds Banking Group

Lodge on the Caley

Macmillan Nurses Pam and Erica

Macmillan Perth Committee

Make Believe Events 

McLeod Glaziers

Miles-Moore Ceramics

Morris & Young

Nicole Catterall

Paper Heart Gifts

Perfect Endings

Rangers Football Club

Rosa’s Thai Cafe

Soaperstars

Stagecoach Group

Struan Toyota

Taypark House

Tesco

The Barber Lounge

The Bathroom Company

The Beauty Room

The Body Shop

The Flame Tree Cafe

The Hideaway Experience

The Salutation Hotel

The ugly duckling

Thorntons

Tropic Skin Care by Gill McIntosh

United for All

Urban Disco Perth

Viva B

Waterstones Dundee

Wicked Chocolate Company

Wishy Washy Cleaning Services

You Dirty Scrub

Zenith Fitness Training

Also a huge thank you to all of the individuals who have supported this incredible event (of which there are too many to mention individually), your support means the world to me and millions of people like me who, thanks to you, won’t have to face cancer alone 💚💚💚

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