“Every journey begins with a small step, every race has a starting line, keep on reaching out for your goal, don’t give up, just give it time.”
Well today I start chemo…just 16 days after I received the news I have ovarian cancer and I’m feeling great about starting my journey to being me again 💖💖💖
However, whilst I’m always positive about my cancer diagnosis – because really there is no other way to be in life – cancer is not an easy journey and so today I’d like to share the darker side that I usually hide because I think it’s really important that people talk about what cancer does to patients physically and give it the awareness it deserves….
….so here goes.
This is not a moan…I feel as positive as ever…but this is a journey that not everyone can take so positivity and that sadly thousands go through every single day xxxx
I’m told every day that I ‘look so well’…this is thanks to firstly an expensive skin and makeup regime!
Secondly it’s thanks to three different anti-sickness drugs that allow me to manage small mouthfuls of food (but never a full meal) without throwing them up.
Thirdly it’s thanks to two kinds of morphine – a tablet I take twice a day and a fast acting liquid I take when I just can’t take the pain….which is most days.
- I can’t walk more than 5-10 minutes without needing to sit down – over the weekend
- I had to go to hospital because I fainted trying to walk around the block.
- I can’t get through a day without sleeping.
- I’ve had over 35 blood tests in the last two weeks – I stopped counting at 35!
- I had a drip 10 days ago when I couldn’t eat or drink anything at all and got too dehydrated.
- That week I also had fluid drained from one of my lungs without any pain relief – holy cow I thought I would collapse from the pain!
- Last week I had 4.5 ltrs of cancerous fluid drained from my abdomen (this was following 5ltrs one week before my diagnosis).
- The next day I had a very painful tumour biopsy taken from my abdomen – I had to be sedated (although awake) because the pain was too much. My tummy still feels like it has a knife in it.
- In the last 8 hours I have taken 20 steroid tablets in preparation for chemo today – 10 at midnight last night and 10 at 7am this morning.
- I’ve lost 1.5 stone in fat and muscle in the last 6 weeks due to an inability to eat properly.
This is just a brief insight into ‘the medical side’ of my first two weeks with cancer.
I feel that whilst every day has to be full of medication, pain, tests, Drs and nurses I can get through it by understanding that I choose what else it is filled with . And I choose love, hope, positivity, family, friends and laughter.
So my first two weeks have also been filled with some of the best experiences and making some of the best decisions of my life! 💖 for instance – I never would have donated my hair before but I’d do it again in a heartbeat! I’d never realised how loved Ewan and I are – but we we must be the richest couple in the world because we are surrounded by love and hope and every day we receive over a hundred messages offering support for every step of our journey 💖
Without this I don’t think I’d find the strength I need – so thank you all a million times for your love and support xxxxx
Cancer is a painful journey and it is a challenge every single day but by taking it a day at a time it is an achievable challenge. I promised I would do a marathon one day and I guess this is my version of an epic marathon.
love and light, Fi xx