health

Update – things got shitter!

On Friday I woke up at 2am vomiting.

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No, not ‘feeling like I needed to vomit’.

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…I actually woke up mid vomit.

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I didn’t even think that was possible.

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An all time cancer low!

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By the afternoon if reached at all time low.

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Vomiting faeces.

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I was readmitted to hospital.

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I’m still here.

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Enough said.

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I don’t remember reading about this in the stage four cancer manual – I’d definitely have opted out 🤷‍♀️🙈🤣

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How am I today?

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I’m feeling a lot more ‘with it’ (not feeling ‘better’…I’m just more alert) after 5 bags of fluid…so not completely dehydrated and spacey now…progress!

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Not vomited again…thank fuck for that!…OFT I don’t want a repeat of that type of vomiting EVER!

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They’ve stopped my drip and syringe driver.

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I attempter sips of water and a smoothie…but struggling (a lot!) with nausea.

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No plans for going home yet but that’s ok…I know I am exactly where I need to be right now.

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I’ve stopped my pain meds – when I was admitted I asked for them not to be put in my syringe driver – because they a. make me sick and b. put my bowel to sleep…not a good combo.

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They are there in injection form if I need them – but so far I haven’t.

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I had only started them last week. I don’t normally take any pain meds at all.

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My darlings please appreciate your precious day…waking up this morning, being alive is a gift, don’t take it for granted, tell someone you love them, smile at the sun, laugh, count your blessings and find something to be grateful for…there is always something! Always!

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Today I am grateful for all that holds me, for another day, for the loves in my life, for the breath I just took…basically…just for this day and for being alive to witness it.

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Namaste lovelies xxx

6 thoughts on “Update – things got shitter!”

  1. Thank you Fi for sharing your most personal inner experiences. As always you inspire me. And As you say we must tell our loved ones just how much we love them, and appreciate the moment, the now, It’s the only place to be. Much love Pauly xx

  2. Fi, I haven’t been in touch for a while but I still look in on your blog every time you post. My niece, 24, was diagnosed just after Xmas with a 1 in a million type of ovarian cancer and has had to travel to London for treatment, a four hour car journey, having to stay for 5 days of continuous intravenous chemo under the care of the Professor of Charing Cross Hospital.

    My lovely, I guess I just want to tell you, you mean the world to not just your close family and friends but also us, your extended “family & friends”.

    I hope you don’t have to suffer any other bouts of such severe vomiting. I hope things can improve for you. I hope you get to have the paclotaxol tomorrow.

    If I can help you in any way with your book, please say.

    All my love and light and gentle hugs.

    Sharon. 🦋💖🦋🌸🙏🏻🥰

  3. Fi, So sorry you had to go through that experience and also to hear you are still feeling sick, not a nice feeling at all. .Hope you feel a wee bit better soon. Thinking of you and sending a Cyber hug from North London x

  4. Hello Fi, Your voice reaches me in Australia. Your journey in this life has been planned for a very special reason…one that can’t be questioned or argued…just accepted by faith.

    Faith that you will, one day, understand your suffering.

    Your words display strong faith. You are making your soul the best it can be…continually moving onward and upward toward the light..to where we finally arrive home. Our journey complete, with kindness and love left in our trail.

    What a great teacher you have become. Thankyou.

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