health

Cancer Update – Warning: it’s a bit of a shitter

CANCER UPDATE
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I was admitted to hospital on Monday after four days of excruciating pain – taking oxycoden hourly when I don’t normally take any pain relief ever!
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By the time I was admitted I was also vomiting and unable to eat.
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I had a scan, expecting any news to ‘just’ be about my bowel…but the cancer had other plans.
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Both my lungs are partially collapsed with fluid.
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I have 8+ liver tumours – I had only 1 six weeks ago. This 1 has doubled in size and brought some pals!
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I have cancer in the lymph nodes in my abdomen and around my heart.
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My small bowel is 7cm in diameter instead of a healthy 1cm!
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Basically, in short, the cancer is having a good old knees up in my body!
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So, what are my options?
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Option 1. Do nothing except for end of life care.
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Option 2. Try paclotaxol chemo weekly starting next week. This is the super harsh chemo that I had 4 years ago – hair loss, bone ache, jaw ache, exhaustion, vomiting on myself…you know the drill…
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I’ve always said I chose quality over quantity.
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However, I have chosen to try the chemo.
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Why?
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Because I want more time with my family AND it is really important to me that I publish my random act of kindness book (the story of all of the random acts of kindness I’ve done).
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Oddly, this is not the book I submitted to HayHouse – it’s funny how death puts things into perspective!
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So my focus now is 100% on my nearest and dearest and on this book.
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Nothing more. Nothing less.
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My boundaries have just intensified! 🤣🥰
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Actually I don’t even care if the book gets published or not…but I DO want to write it for my niece and nephews.
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Legacy is how we live fever.
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How do I feel?
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Calm
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Grateful.
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Supported.
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Loved.
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Exhausted.
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Namaste xxx

8 thoughts on “Cancer Update – Warning: it’s a bit of a shitter”

  1. I just discovered you today – I am so sorry for the shit you face – one of my favourite things is “ Random acts of kindness”to strangers – I have been doing this even before my cancer metastasised and have found it enriched my life – but you have re-affirmed my need to live by this creed. Wishing you the best from Rural Australia- I will be thinking of you tomorrow when I remember to be kind xxx

  2. So much sadness right now for you. I want to grieve with you and yet not give up. I want to breathe with you and yet laugh with you. I want your book to be there for your family and yet I want it for all of us. I want to hang on and fear letting go. I want to fight and yet accept. I want you to live forever physically and yet believe that you will in many forms. I don’t want your story to end and yet recognize the selfishness of that. I want you to be, in whatever way that brings you peace.

  3. I love your fighting spirit and positivity. You remind me so much of my wife (who lost her battle nearly two years ago) keeping fighting..never give up. Stay strong x

  4. I look forward to your next posts……… with a great big SUN shining – blue skies and joy shining . Praying for total suppression of the cancer cells in your beautiful body.Shine on you warrior! And enjoy every second with your loved ones. Shoniex

  5. This hurts so much. I hope the chemo gives you some relief from your pain. My treatment was a walk in the park and it was the same chemo. Harder when you are a survivor and someone you have learned to care about so deeply is going through so much agony. May this gain you more precious memories. Your nieces and nephews are going to be lucky to read this awesome book. I hope they find the right nausea meds to help you. It took me a few treatments to figure out one was a 6 hour and the 4 hour was a kicker to get you to the next dose. Yep…sometimes you info is hit or miss. Thank you for arming me with knowledge to keep living should this OVC is lying in wait to pounce again. This old bird is holding you close to my heart.

  6. You are so brave. You teach us all that every day, hour, minute is precious. Holding you in my thoughts and prayers xx

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