I have always been the maverick…the one challenging the ‘norm’ and asking all the annoying questions….you know the one…
Getting cancer certainly didn’t change that!
So, as I became increasingly aware of the media driven concept of ‘fighting’ cancer I started to ask ‘but why?’
Why would I fight my body (after all, cancer is created by my very own cells)? Why would I send hate to my body? Why would I ‘go to battle’ rather than look at the causes, the healing potential or the learning?
So if I’m not ‘fighting’ my cancer then what am I doing?
I toyed with words like ‘living’, ‘thriving’ and ‘surviving’ but they weren’t quite right…they seemed to mask the ups and downs, the ebb and flow of what it’s like to live with a terminal condition. They hid a life with cancer in a cloak of positivity and while I am indeed a positive person by nature I do not hide from the reality of my life or my emotions.
Recently I was having breakfast with a friend and she mentioned in passing about someone ‘dancing with cancer’…and there it was, the word I’d been searching for.
I could picture it so clearly, my cancer and I dancing around a large room (picture the Beauty and the Beast ballroom)…sometimes the dance was slow, sometimes it was hip hop, sometimes cancer tipped me to far back I thought I’d snap in two, only to be lifted back up and twirled in the air at the last breath, sometimes I was leading and sometimes it was spinning me endlessly. It was a beautiful symphony of two energies intwining as one to create a story of a full spectrum of emotions and experiences.
In dance there is no winner just as in life with cancer there is no winner…if I die from cancer, my cancer dies with me…it does not win.
I prefer not to fight my cancer…not because I don’t want a life without it but because I want a life without a constant battle or negativity. Instead I want a life of hope, joy, positivity, ebbs and flows
So I’m dancing with cancer while others chose to fight it…will I see you on the dance floor?
Love, Fi xx
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