I made a commitment to blog each day of my fourth chemo so as to give people some sort of an insight into what a chemo cycle feels like but man did I forget how hard it is to get my brain to work in the days following a chemo dose so I’ll have to keep this brief…
…today started early with four steroid tablets, an anti sickness tablet, my usual morning omeprazol (to prevent the chemo damaging my stomach) and my new magnesium supplements I started yesterday.
Following this I commenced the important activity of drinking 3litres of water today to flush out the toxins that chemo is causing my body to remove. Do not underestimate the importance of this activity – I’ve proven to myself in previous chemo cycles that the less I drink in the two days that follow chemo the crappier and sicker I feel!
I also had a 2.5 hour long bath this morning. Although to be fair the last hour I was just trying to build the strength to make myself get out of the bath!…and instead I just kept running the tap to reheat it…there is something so mesmerising about the sound of running water when your brain has been numbed by chemo.
Water is like nirvana to me in the first two weeks following chemo. My whole body aches and my brain is numb and I’m fatigued beyond words but running water offers euphoric relief. I would happily sit under a running shower all day just to be distracted by the sound and the comfort it offers my aching bones and mind.
However I did prize myself away from the bathroom and into the kitchen for a breakfast of poached eggs, veg and fruit before crashing on the sofa to watch ‘Pitch Perfect 2’…man do I love song and music based films! And this was no exception! Awesome!
At this stage the chemo and steroids start their battle of making me want to eat everything and nothing all at the same time…of craving sugar on a scary level but knowing I should avoid it…of making me tired and emotional and grumpy (not my usual upbeat self at all). It’s a process I know will pass about 5 days after my chemo dose but it is horrible nevertheless and truly feels like your personality has been possessed!
I’m slowly learning to ignore the sugar cravings in these first few days following chemo (I failed miserably last cycle and ate sugar like it was Christmas and Easter and my birthday mixed together) and managed a healthy gluten, dairy and sugar free organic buckwheat salad that I’d prepared earlier in the week for lunch before napping for a few hours on the sofa. Food prep is so important the week of chemo – without having the right food prepped and ready to eat it’s far too easy to binge on the food I’m craving – sugar and dairy – and when I do it makes me so much more ill with stomach pains and sickness.
The rest of the day was spent napping although I did manage to embrace the notion that fresh air and exercise help combat the side affects of chemo and take my lovely rescue dog for a short walk. If nothing else it certainly made me feel happier and more alive breathing some good country air into my lungs…although also more knackered too!
This evening I’ve planned a similarly healthy meal of home made chickpea falafels, sweet potato and salad before hopefully an uneventful night – so far chemo sickness hasn’t hit me and it appears that the side affects of this dose are to be fatigue, brain fuzz and bone ache. All of which I handle much better than sickness which I find awful as I am unable to eat and subsequently loose more weight – something I am desperately trying to avoid!
Before I finish this blog post I just want to write a brief piece on gratitude. Today I am grateful for the lovely messages of love and support I’ve received. And especially for videos I’ve received from dear friends of their precious children sending me ‘I love you FiFi’ messages. These fill my heart with love, joy and laughter – all emotions I strongly value whilst on my healing journey. It doesn’t cost anything to tell someone you love them but the effects are priceless.
I’m also grateful for my dear husband who does everything he can to make my journey as comfortable and joyful as possible and for my ever loving and supportive family and friends, without whom I would be lost.
Love and light, Fi xx