gratitude, health, holistic health, kindness, ovarian cancer, positivity

Today I Rise Again

Today is a new day.

I rose today having felt what I was meant to feel, having seen what I was meant to see, having said what I was meant to say.

So many people ‘advised’ that I stop writing and that I focus on me. I know they meant this with the deepest kindness but writing ’is’ me focusing on me. It is my therapy, my release, my way of processing and feeling everything that is there to be felt.

I do not write for anyone else but myself – although, admittedly, it brings me so much joy to realise how my words have helped so many others.

I can’t help but wonder how different our world would be if someone had told Anne Frank to stop writing. I’m not suggesting I am anything like Anne Frank, a courageous young girl whom I have admired since first discovering her words when I myself too was only young, but I am suggesting that our stories are important, healing and essential. We must share our stories. We simply must.

I feel in a good place today, like I am emerging from something, like I am shedding an old version of myself and stepping forward into something new.

I sense change ahead, yes, but change isn’t necessarily bad and I find myself feeling a sense of excitement at this new adventure I find myself on.

I’ve been in worst places in the past four years since my diagnosis than I find myself in just now. There is, of course, one significant difference now. Now I don’t see chemotherapy as an option for me when the trial completely stops working (which it hasn’t, yet).

As I’ve written many times before, chemotherapy (and any treatment) is a very personal choice and I do not advocate for or against any options. But I do know that chemotherapy is not the right option for me. Not again. Not after 4 years ago. This is my inner guidance and I trust it profusely. Nothing and no one will ever change my mind.

So what are my options?

Just now, medically, it is to stay on the trial. It is to keep breathing in the gratitude that this wonderful cocktail of significantly less toxic drugs is doing something to slow down this disease (even if they can’t stop it completely).

But that is just the medical picture and, if I’ve learnt nothing else on this journey it is that the picture is bigger than what can and can’t be done in a hospital. There is so much more that can be done for my mind, body, spirit and soul.

So, yes, it is accurate when I say I am excited because I find myself wondering ‘what if there is another way?’

And that’s exactly what I intend to spend the next 16 weeks finding out.

Why 16 weeks? Because that is the length of time someone with ovarian cancer is on chemotherapy for…AND, more importantly, because 16 weeks today I plan to get my adventurous soul onto a plane to Bali where I plan to spend 4 weeks healing with my gorgeous husband…something that will only be possible if my lungs stay stable…so I’m excited…I have a focus, I have an aim and I have a shit load of passion.

It ain’t over and, as ever, I ain’t dead yet (motherf*ckers)

ovarian cancer

Bungee Jump -Videos

Today I met the two amazing women who received my first random act of kindness and watched them both do their bungee jump for Macmillan Cancer Support 💚💚💚

If you are new to my blog – When my loved ones raised £500 for my husband and I to treat ourselves following my operation we made the decision to use the money to do random acts of kindness for complete strangers…

We didn’t want to profit from my diagnosis and the idea of sharing the love and kindness given to us filled me with so much more happiness than spending it on something ever could.

The recipients of my first envelope decided to pay it forward by doing a bungee jump to raise money for Macmillan. In doing so they have raised over £3000! Incredible or what?! 💙💚💙

This incredibly brave and generous gesture has since been featured in a number of press articles.

It was so heartwarming to finally meet them and their supporters! I haven’t laughed so much in ages! They are both truely wonderful women and had even had awesome tshirts made stating:

I wear teal for Fiona. Love and light!

How gorgeous is that! 💙💙💙


It’s crazy to think that, despite having chatted to them loads over messages since they got in touch a month ago, we have never actually officially met before. I feel like I’ve known them for ages! Their names have certainly become infamous with my friends and family! I feel blessed that our paths have crossed and that they have been so incredible in raising money for Macmillan – another reason to be thankful for my diagnosis.

I watched them jump with my parents and husband alongside their supporters and there was such a great energy with everyone laughing and cheering them on. I felt extremely honoured to have been made to feel such a welcome part of their day.

Watching the jump was extremely nerve wracking! Here were two women throwing themselves off a bridge because of me! I can’t begin to tell you how anxious I was hoping that everything would go smoothly! Thankfully, of course, everything was amazing and they both had a great time…or so they tell me 💚

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​I still can’t believe they actually did a bungee jump! It’s just such utter beautiful madness! 

I think these ladies are wonderful and I can never express how grateful I am for their awesome ‘leap of faith’. I think they are both incredibly brave and selfless and I never could have dreamt that so much good would come from handing out a simple envelope with £20 in it!

If you would like to support either of them in their fundraising for Macmillan you can do so by using the following links:-

The world needs more people in it like these two incredible ladies 💙💚💙

Love and light, Fi xxx 

ovarian cancer

“Fight Song”

I’m sitting in the chemo room (in my mermaid tail!)
in tears as I watch this video.
An incredible 16 year old woman who has survived stage three ovarian cancer…if you watch only one thing today let it be this…even if, like me, you are not a reality tv fan…it is so worth it!

I cry because I live her journey every day through my own ovarian cancer journey – the laughter, the love, the fear and the pain a late stage ovarian cancer diagnosis brings.

I cry because she is a much needed inspiration to me and to other warriors.

I cry because I saw her story on the Ellen Degeneres Show and know she was diagnosed at only 15 years old and, like me, she doesn’t have a genetic mutation.

But most importantly I cry with hope and joy.

Maybe, just maybe, this young, gorgeous, talented and inspirational woman will become a role model for other young women.

Maybe she will help raise awareness so that one day more women will be diagnosed early and able to survive this disease.
Maybe this incredible woman will save lives.

I cry with happiness for a better tomorrow.

I cry with love for a fellow warrior who, like me, sees the sunshine in the rain.

Let’s just all take a minute and think how wonderful and inspiring this woman really is.

Love and light, Fi xxx

Please remember a smear test CANNOT detect ovarian cancer! There is NO known screaming!
Diagnosis relies only on women being aware of the symptoms and being persistent with their gps.

ovarian cancer

Community Fundraiser (Video)

Yesterday my wee hero (and nephew) Jack, with the help of his lovely mum (my big sister!) and two of her amazing friends, hosted a charity coffee morning to raise money for Target Ovarian Cancer.

​The event was well supported by the local community with friends and business donating hundreds of raffle prizes and cakes!

{some of the amazing raffle prizes}

Together they raised an incredible £1060!! Isn’t that amazing!! It was so successful it was featured in a local newspaper!

{photo taken from www.thecourier.co.uk}

When my nephew started to organise this event he wanted half of the money raised to go to Target Ovarian Cancer and half to go to me so that I could buy something to treat myself after my surgery.

{me and my nephew}

Whilst this was the loveliest offer ever(!) it made me uncomfortable. Just because I have cancer doesn’t mean I am any less fortunate than anyone else. I have so much love and support and that gives me everything I could possibly want in the world. I didn’t want to profit from my diagnosis. So I found myself thinking about what I could do with the money that would benefit me and others.

{my mum and dad helping at the event}

I remembered my favourite quote:-

‘everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind always’

It gave me an idea….


What if I used the money to do random acts of kindness for complete strangers…buy a coffee for the person drinking alone; sit and have lunch with the homeless person sitting on the street; pay for the petrol of the tired truck driver behind me in the queue…and so on and so on.

This serves three amazing purposes:

  1. It fills me with happiness because I get to surprise people and see them smile. 
  2. It reminds people that there is good in the world and always something to be grateful for.
  3. And maybe, just maybe, they will pass on this random act of kindness and together we really can spread love around like glitter!

My husband and I are so excited about the fun we can have surprising complete strangers. This will really help to cheer me up as I continue through my treatment.

We figure that if, on average, we spend £20 on each random act of kindness then we can surprise roughly 26 people. Now isn’t that wonderful? So many people will have a lovely surprise just as a ripple affect of my cancer diagnosis. I’m so glad more positivity can come from this awful disease.

I will of course share stories of the random acts of kindness on here for you all to enjoy!

Thank you to everyone who helped support this event. Especially all of the amazing local businesses and friends who donated raffle prizes and/or cakes and for those who bought raffle tickets.

Together you have helped support essential research into ovarian cancer and together you’ve also made my year! Thank you!

Lots of love xxxx

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Meeting my Anesthetist (video)

I’ve spent the day in hospital today waiting for my surgery tomorrow. It’s been a pretty uneventful day as my blood tests this morning showed that my platelets and white bloods cells are at the right levels for surgery meaning I didn’t need a transfusion – hurray!

I got to meet my anesthetist this evening and he was very reassuring. He talked me through all the various forms of pain relief and monitoring he we will be using on me and I  now actually feel very relaxed about my big op tomorrow!


Aside from that I’ve spent the evening having some quiet time to myself relaxing and keeping calm with some adult colouring which, in my opinion, is a wonderful tool to keep my mind off the next few days.


I’m feeling the calmest I’ve felt since I heard what my operation would involve and this is down to the medical team at the hospital I’m in and the lovely messages I’ve received from my friends and family ( I love you all!). It’s also, without doubt, due to the messages I’ve received from women around the world who have had the same or a similar operation to what I have planned. These messages have come from women whom I’ve never met, each discussing their treatment, operation and recovery in a way that has comforted and reassured me that I am not alone. I am so grateful to each and every one of you for being part of my journey.

Thank you!

I also made a new friend ‘Steven’ this afternoon who has ensured I’ve kept smiling…after causing me to nearly fall out of bed when he flew at my window!


With love and light, Fi xx  

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Surgery Plans – Update (Video)

I met with my surgical team a week ago and they provided me with an update of what my surgery next week will involve.

It’s a little bit scary as they are doing lots during a ten hour operation so I thought the best way to share this with everyone would be through a video of me explaining it in summary…enjoy…and please don’t judge my drawing too harshly.


Love and light, Fi xx