ovarian cancer

Support – Raw Food Day 5

Over the past 21 months I have received unwavering support from both friends and family, for which I am eternally grateful.

Despite my positive outlook and the fact that my cancer miraculously went into remission last year this does not mean I am ‘cured’.

In reality, statistically the chances of me dying from my cancer in the next three years are 83%* (these odds are increased further due to my lack of a spleen). This is not the odds of a recurrence, these are the odds of death.

Now, as a researcher, (and as a generally stubborn individual) the only reason I like statistics is so that I can disprove them. For this reason, many of you have witnessed me making radical (and perhaps sometimes crazy) lifestyle changes.

I am now embarking on a journey of eating 100% raw food. This is not because I think it will ‘cure’ my cancer, but rather because it is my strong, personal belief that this will give my body the best chance of surviving in spite of cancer.

So, why am I spending a Saturday morning telling you this? Simply because I need your support. I don’t expect anyone else to switch to a raw food diet (not even my lovely hubby), I love you all just as you are. However, I do need your encouragement. Whilst you can eat whatever you like in front of me (yes even steak!), please don’t offer it to me. Instead, please support my food choices. Please don’t pass judgement over what I eat either. There is nothing worse than when someone says “I feel bad that you can’t eat this.” When you make these comments what I actually hear is “I feel bad that you have stage four cancer and I don’t.”

In reality, I don’t mind not eating what you eat, ever! 

Most importantly don’t feel that we can’t go out for meals or eat together. I will always find a way of eating something raw when we are out and I LOVE food.

So, in short. Please encourage and support me as I make this change in my life. It will not always be easy for me and I really need your help. It is what I need to do for me** in order to give my body the best chance of survival. At the very least it will enable me to say “at least I tried.”

Love and light, Fi xx

*I prefer to look at it as 17% chance of surviving 💜 

**I wish to highlight that I don’t think everyone with cancer (or any disease for that matter) should switch to a similar diet, nor do I pass judgement on any one else’s diet choices. Rather, this is what I instinctively feel is right for me at this moment xxx

ovarian cancer

Love is marrying your best friend: Chemo 4 – Day 11*

I’m one of the lucky ones.
 I married my best friend.

There is no one who makes me laugh more. He is the first person to tell me ‘if anyone can do it you can’….even if what I’m suggesting is utterly ridiculous. He supports me in every decision I make…even the bad ones like painting our bathroom pink(!)…(a story for another day).
 He’s always been my confidant and companion and now…well now he’s also my ‘carer’.

  I remember so vividly the moment following my diagnosis when my GP broached the subject of noting my husband as my carer in my medical records. My what? I’m 30! How is this possible? What does this mean? How will this affect our relationship? So many questions about a situation you don’t expect to face just weeks after celebrating your two year wedding anniversary in Vienna.

  Most of the time I continue to fight for my independence because of this fact floating in my head. Most of the time I refuse to accept that my medical file has a name in the box labelled ‘carer’. Most of the time I battle through doing things around the house even on days when I know I’ll suffer afterwards (actually more so on these days because I’m stubborn and often trying to prove a point).

Most of the time….

But sometimes I get frustrated. Sometimes I have to sit down half way through hanging up the washing or cooking dinner or changing the bed covers because the chemo has made me too tired; because the fluid on my lung is making me too breathless; because my blood levels are too low; because my body is too weak; because I need a carer….

In those moments I’m still married to my best friend. He tells me to take my time. He helps. He supports me in the way he always has to do everything I do.

  Other times, like tonight, I’m too weak to even try to do anything. Instead, whilst I’m lying on the sofa wrapped in a blanket, my husband, who has already done a full day at work and then picked up some food shopping, comes home and does the dishes I’ve not managed from during the day, cooks dinner, tidies the kitchen, takes our dog for his daily walk, hangs up two loads of washing, and puts away the washing he took down this morning before work. He does all this whilst intermittently checking on me.

By the time he stops doing everything it is past 10pm and he hasn’t sat down since he got in the door. Not for a second. Not even once.

This is on top of our dog waking through the night and my husband getting up to let him out and settle him. 

He does all this whilst working a full time job.

He does all this whilst worrying about me and my diagnosis and treatment and surgery.

He does all this whilst not complaining.

And I realise, as I watch this man I love doing everything he can to support me, that I don’t have to worry about him being labelled my ‘carer’ because I married my best friend…

He is doing what he has always done….he is doing whatever he can to make sure I can do whatever I need to do.

When I was well and didn’t have cancer (or didn’t know I had cancer) I commuted two hours to my job, studied for a hypnotherapy course, volunteered and maintained a regular exercise routine. At the time I thought I managed it all because I was well organised and motivated (and, admittedly, stubborn) but, on reflection, I managed it all because I married my best friend who, as it turns out, has always been my ‘carer’. He has always done whatever he can to make sure I could do whatever I needed to do.

You see, as it turns out, having a ‘carer’ doesn’t need to label you as critically unwell. It doesn’t need to change anything. It doesn’t need to be a weakness. It’s just about being supported by someone you love. It’s about returning that support. All that’s changed is the exchange of support.

As it turns out, I didn’t just marry my best friend. I married my hero.

I love you Mr Munro.

People ask how I manage to stay so positive. The answer – you.

People ask how I remain so grateful. The answer – you.

People ask how I get through everything. The answer – you.

I love you to the moon and back.

I couldn’t do any of it without you xxx

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*This post was inspired by a telephone chat I had today with a lovely woman from Stand Up to Cancer. She asked me what my support network was like and how my husband was coping with my diagnosis and treatment and as I answered my mind filled with intense love and gratitude for the wonderful man I call my other half   xx