gratitude, health, holistic health, kindness, ovarian cancer, positivity

Today I Rise Again

Today is a new day.

I rose today having felt what I was meant to feel, having seen what I was meant to see, having said what I was meant to say.

So many people ‘advised’ that I stop writing and that I focus on me. I know they meant this with the deepest kindness but writing ’is’ me focusing on me. It is my therapy, my release, my way of processing and feeling everything that is there to be felt.

I do not write for anyone else but myself – although, admittedly, it brings me so much joy to realise how my words have helped so many others.

I can’t help but wonder how different our world would be if someone had told Anne Frank to stop writing. I’m not suggesting I am anything like Anne Frank, a courageous young girl whom I have admired since first discovering her words when I myself too was only young, but I am suggesting that our stories are important, healing and essential. We must share our stories. We simply must.

I feel in a good place today, like I am emerging from something, like I am shedding an old version of myself and stepping forward into something new.

I sense change ahead, yes, but change isn’t necessarily bad and I find myself feeling a sense of excitement at this new adventure I find myself on.

I’ve been in worst places in the past four years since my diagnosis than I find myself in just now. There is, of course, one significant difference now. Now I don’t see chemotherapy as an option for me when the trial completely stops working (which it hasn’t, yet).

As I’ve written many times before, chemotherapy (and any treatment) is a very personal choice and I do not advocate for or against any options. But I do know that chemotherapy is not the right option for me. Not again. Not after 4 years ago. This is my inner guidance and I trust it profusely. Nothing and no one will ever change my mind.

So what are my options?

Just now, medically, it is to stay on the trial. It is to keep breathing in the gratitude that this wonderful cocktail of significantly less toxic drugs is doing something to slow down this disease (even if they can’t stop it completely).

But that is just the medical picture and, if I’ve learnt nothing else on this journey it is that the picture is bigger than what can and can’t be done in a hospital. There is so much more that can be done for my mind, body, spirit and soul.

So, yes, it is accurate when I say I am excited because I find myself wondering ‘what if there is another way?’

And that’s exactly what I intend to spend the next 16 weeks finding out.

Why 16 weeks? Because that is the length of time someone with ovarian cancer is on chemotherapy for…AND, more importantly, because 16 weeks today I plan to get my adventurous soul onto a plane to Bali where I plan to spend 4 weeks healing with my gorgeous husband…something that will only be possible if my lungs stay stable…so I’m excited…I have a focus, I have an aim and I have a shit load of passion.

It ain’t over and, as ever, I ain’t dead yet (motherf*ckers)

kindness, ovarian cancer

RAOK – Paying it Forward 

I delivered another Random Act of Kindness today. It is honestly still my favourite thing to do! This one was extra special though as it came from someone else…

Despite the fact that I am meant to be resting I needed to go and order new glasses as I broke mine teaching kids yoga. Yes I know, if I’d been resting they wouldn’t have got broken…blah blah…

Anyway…I used to work in my local opticians so I let them know I’d be popping by. One of the women that works there reads my Facebook (**waves**) and so she dropped me a message to tell me to say hi when I was in.

This I did and I’m so glad! She is without doubt one of the loveliest souls I’ve ever met. No I’m not just saying that because she will read this! She welcomed me with a warm and enthusiastic hug like no other and then surprised me by giving me a ‘random act of kindess’ envelope with money inside and asked me to ‘pass it on’.

I was so touched! I love when other people join in!

Leaving the shop I was still smiling when I went to buy some ‘jeggings’ – I hate that word but basically I need jeans with legging tops now I have a colostomy bag…anyway I’m going off topic (again!)

So I was trying them on and while doing so I could hear two friends chatting through the curtain of the cubicle next to me.

Their utter joy and laughter was infectious! From their ensthusiastic batter I gathered that one was helping the other buy a selection of clothes for various up coming events. What struck me was their passion. The one trying on the clothes was so unashamedly grateful for her friend’s help. Lsughing loudly she kept thanking her and declaring that she had ‘never looked so good’ and ‘couldn’t wait to show people’. The whole dialogue screamed LOVE!

I was really touched and knew straight away that I’d have to give them the envelope I’d just been passed moments before.

As I left I slipped the envelope into one of their hands and was met with the usual look of confusion and a mumbled ‘thankyou’ which, when combined, always translates  as ‘who the f*ck is this crazy woman handing me an envelope’.

As ever, it gave me so much joy and I hope the ladies got as much out of it as I did. I just love being able to pass on acts of kindness in this way.

So, tell your friends you love them;  be unashamedly you; and scatter kindness around wherever you go!

Oh and always remember you are beautiful!

Love and light, Fi xxx

kindness, ovarian cancer

Kindness Ripples for Maggies

As I’m sure you already know, I hand out Random Act of Kindness envelopes to strangers in a bid to make the world a happier place whilst also raising awareness for Ovarian Cancer….If you don’t know this already then please check out my dedicated kindness page!

Well…just before Christmas I left an envelop on a parked car at the hospital where I get my cancer treatment. The woman who received it got in touch and let me know that she was ‘paying it forward’ as so many wonderful recipients have decided to do.

This is her message to you all.

I received one of Fi’s wonderful teal, random act of kindness envelopes on my car in December, along with the money was the card. When I looked into what it was, I was amazed to read Fi’s story and her journey. I was inspired to put this gift to good use. I made up a medical tv drama anagram quiz using the £10 gift from Fi as the prize and I am pleased to say it raised £67 for Maggies Dundee. Fi continues to inspire me and also some of my friends who are also carrying out RAOK of their own.

Love and light, Fi xxx

kindness

ovarian cancer

Random Act of Kindness – Number 11

I’ve been busy handing out lots of my random acts of kindness envelopes this past week. Most recently was envelope number 11 and it was quite spontaneous!


If you are new to my blog – When my loved ones raised £500 for my husband and I to treat ourselves following my operation we made the decision to use the money to do random acts of kindness for complete strangers…

We didn’t want to profit from my diagnosis and the idea of sharing the love and kindness given to us filled us with so much more happiness than spending it on something ever could.

So since then we’ve been handing out envelopes with either a £10 or £20 note inside.

There are now 32 envelopes in total thanks to two additional anonymous donations of £30 from the ‘lace maker’ and £40 from ‘D&L’, both of which I am extremely grateful for.

Some of you already now that this week I was involved in a minor car crash (no one hurt..just two bruised but repairable cars!)

The person who hit my car was an elderly woman and, understandably, she was quite shaken by the incident.

While we waited for her daughter to arrive to help her move her car we were causing a bit of road blockage. With traffic piling up, there was nothing we could do for over half an hour but wait.

During this time there were a lot of angry (and nosey!) drivers passing us by but no one stopped to offer help. It’s sad isn’t it?

That was until one woman drove past, turned her car around and came to offer assistance. I was so taken aback that she was the only person to offer help and, in turn, a random act of kindness of sorts that I knew I had to give her an envelope. So as she was returning to her car I chased after her with an envelope.

She seemed more than a little shocked as I handed her the envelope and ran back to my car.

If say it was well deserved…kindness deserves kindness 💖

Love and light, Fi xx

ovarian cancer

Random Acts of Kindness Ripples

Since I started handing out random act of kindness envelopes* in June there have been lots of beautiful ripple effects that I could never have imagined.

Not only has the story been featured in a lot of press articles, but I’ve been gifted some random acts of kindness for me and the two people who received my first envelope have raised £1000s for Macmillan by each doing a bungee jump! Incredible or what!


Most recently though, even more wonderful things have been happening!…

First off, someone who has named themselves ‘the lacemaker’ gifted £30 to the random act of kindness pot and gifted me a handmade lace bookmark. Isn’t that wonderful!

Following a Facebook vote, the decision was made that this £30 would be split into three random acts of kindness, each totalling £10.

Then people started to hand out their own random act of kindness envelopes! Most recently a friend in Ireland handed out an envelope to a lady she saw studying in a coffee shop, looking stressed and tired.

That recipient contacted me. It turns out she is a doctor and, as a result, she gifted the money to Waterford Hospice and made a pledge to help raise awareness of ovarian cancer. Wonderful!

As if that wasn’t all enough, this week I received another anonymous donation to the random act of kindness pot. This time it was £40 gifted by two people who just call themselves ‘D&L’. It’s that amazing! I’ll be splitting this money over two envelopes which now brings us to a total of 32 envelopes, with 22 still to hand out!

As the excitement and interest around my random acts of kindness grew, I made the decision to ‘upgrade’ them to help raise further awareness for ovarian cancer. To do this I designed little information cards that I’ve placed inside each of the envelopes.


I can honestly say that when I first decided to start handing out money to strangers I never imagined all the good that would come from it or the joy it would give me. If you are reading this and want to get involved then I encourage you to hand out your own random act of kindness envelope (even if it just contains £5). It is such a wonderful feeling and you won’t regret it. I promise!


Love and light, Fi xxx

*If you are new to my blog – When my loved ones raised £500 for my husband and I to treat ourselves following my operation we made the decision to use the money to do random acts of kindness for complete strangers…

We didn’t want to profit from my diagnosis and the idea of sharing the love and kindness given to us filled me with so much more happiness than spending it on something ever could.

So since then we’ve been handing out envelopes with a £20 note inside.

ovarian cancer

Random Acts of Kindness – Number One

When my loved ones raised £500 for my husband and I to treat ourselves following my operation we made the decision to use the money to do random acts of kindness for complete strangers…

We didn’t want to profit from my diagnosis and the idea of sharing the love and kindness given to us filled me with so much more happiness than spending it on something ever could.


So today I did my first random act of kindness and it was every bit as wonderful as I hoped it would be!

Let me tell you about it…

I ventured out of the house on my own for the first time since my operation. First time driving and everything! Whoop whoop!

I went and got my nails done because I wanted a pick me up and to feel a bit more ‘me’ – look how sparkly they are! 

Feeling completely liberated by the notion of being out and about doing normal stuff I phoned my husband and asked if he wanted to meet for lunch in town during his work break. Something we’ve not done for ages(!) and a nice change from ‘picnics’ in the hospital!

We went to a local burger place who amazingly do gluten free. It was lovely sitting there doing normal couple stuff, not talking about cancer and treatment or how I’m feeling – that shit gets old and boring pretty quick when you live with it every day.

I became aware of two ladies sitting near us. They had so much joy and laughter. Everyone else in the place was eating relatively quietly, not really talking much to the person they were with and sometime just looking at their phone instead (Why do people do that?! It’s so annoying!)

But these two ladies were really happy and enjoying life and bouncing off of each other in good spirits and I thought to myself ‘you know what, why not make there day even better’.

So I put £20 in an envelope and wrote ‘Random Act of Kindness’ on it and as we were leaving I went to their table, excused myself and gave them the enevelop. Then I left.

And you know what?

It was the most amazing feeling ever! I have never had such instant gratification and pleasure from passing over £20 before. Ever!

Joy really is found in giving.

It’s made me buzz with happiness.

I can’t wait to share more love in this way.

Love and light, Fi xxx

ovarian cancer

Community Fundraiser (Video)

Yesterday my wee hero (and nephew) Jack, with the help of his lovely mum (my big sister!) and two of her amazing friends, hosted a charity coffee morning to raise money for Target Ovarian Cancer.

​The event was well supported by the local community with friends and business donating hundreds of raffle prizes and cakes!

{some of the amazing raffle prizes}

Together they raised an incredible £1060!! Isn’t that amazing!! It was so successful it was featured in a local newspaper!

{photo taken from www.thecourier.co.uk}

When my nephew started to organise this event he wanted half of the money raised to go to Target Ovarian Cancer and half to go to me so that I could buy something to treat myself after my surgery.

{me and my nephew}

Whilst this was the loveliest offer ever(!) it made me uncomfortable. Just because I have cancer doesn’t mean I am any less fortunate than anyone else. I have so much love and support and that gives me everything I could possibly want in the world. I didn’t want to profit from my diagnosis. So I found myself thinking about what I could do with the money that would benefit me and others.

{my mum and dad helping at the event}

I remembered my favourite quote:-

‘everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind always’

It gave me an idea….


What if I used the money to do random acts of kindness for complete strangers…buy a coffee for the person drinking alone; sit and have lunch with the homeless person sitting on the street; pay for the petrol of the tired truck driver behind me in the queue…and so on and so on.

This serves three amazing purposes:

  1. It fills me with happiness because I get to surprise people and see them smile. 
  2. It reminds people that there is good in the world and always something to be grateful for.
  3. And maybe, just maybe, they will pass on this random act of kindness and together we really can spread love around like glitter!

My husband and I are so excited about the fun we can have surprising complete strangers. This will really help to cheer me up as I continue through my treatment.

We figure that if, on average, we spend £20 on each random act of kindness then we can surprise roughly 26 people. Now isn’t that wonderful? So many people will have a lovely surprise just as a ripple affect of my cancer diagnosis. I’m so glad more positivity can come from this awful disease.

I will of course share stories of the random acts of kindness on here for you all to enjoy!

Thank you to everyone who helped support this event. Especially all of the amazing local businesses and friends who donated raffle prizes and/or cakes and for those who bought raffle tickets.

Together you have helped support essential research into ovarian cancer and together you’ve also made my year! Thank you!

Lots of love xxxx