gratitude, health, holistic health, kindness, ovarian cancer, positivity

Today I Rise Again

Today is a new day.

I rose today having felt what I was meant to feel, having seen what I was meant to see, having said what I was meant to say.

So many people ‘advised’ that I stop writing and that I focus on me. I know they meant this with the deepest kindness but writing ’is’ me focusing on me. It is my therapy, my release, my way of processing and feeling everything that is there to be felt.

I do not write for anyone else but myself – although, admittedly, it brings me so much joy to realise how my words have helped so many others.

I can’t help but wonder how different our world would be if someone had told Anne Frank to stop writing. I’m not suggesting I am anything like Anne Frank, a courageous young girl whom I have admired since first discovering her words when I myself too was only young, but I am suggesting that our stories are important, healing and essential. We must share our stories. We simply must.

I feel in a good place today, like I am emerging from something, like I am shedding an old version of myself and stepping forward into something new.

I sense change ahead, yes, but change isn’t necessarily bad and I find myself feeling a sense of excitement at this new adventure I find myself on.

I’ve been in worst places in the past four years since my diagnosis than I find myself in just now. There is, of course, one significant difference now. Now I don’t see chemotherapy as an option for me when the trial completely stops working (which it hasn’t, yet).

As I’ve written many times before, chemotherapy (and any treatment) is a very personal choice and I do not advocate for or against any options. But I do know that chemotherapy is not the right option for me. Not again. Not after 4 years ago. This is my inner guidance and I trust it profusely. Nothing and no one will ever change my mind.

So what are my options?

Just now, medically, it is to stay on the trial. It is to keep breathing in the gratitude that this wonderful cocktail of significantly less toxic drugs is doing something to slow down this disease (even if they can’t stop it completely).

But that is just the medical picture and, if I’ve learnt nothing else on this journey it is that the picture is bigger than what can and can’t be done in a hospital. There is so much more that can be done for my mind, body, spirit and soul.

So, yes, it is accurate when I say I am excited because I find myself wondering ‘what if there is another way?’

And that’s exactly what I intend to spend the next 16 weeks finding out.

Why 16 weeks? Because that is the length of time someone with ovarian cancer is on chemotherapy for…AND, more importantly, because 16 weeks today I plan to get my adventurous soul onto a plane to Bali where I plan to spend 4 weeks healing with my gorgeous husband…something that will only be possible if my lungs stay stable…so I’m excited…I have a focus, I have an aim and I have a shit load of passion.

It ain’t over and, as ever, I ain’t dead yet (motherf*ckers)

kindness, ovarian cancer

RAOK – Paying it Forward 

I delivered another Random Act of Kindness today. It is honestly still my favourite thing to do! This one was extra special though as it came from someone else…

Despite the fact that I am meant to be resting I needed to go and order new glasses as I broke mine teaching kids yoga. Yes I know, if I’d been resting they wouldn’t have got broken…blah blah…

Anyway…I used to work in my local opticians so I let them know I’d be popping by. One of the women that works there reads my Facebook (**waves**) and so she dropped me a message to tell me to say hi when I was in.

This I did and I’m so glad! She is without doubt one of the loveliest souls I’ve ever met. No I’m not just saying that because she will read this! She welcomed me with a warm and enthusiastic hug like no other and then surprised me by giving me a ‘random act of kindess’ envelope with money inside and asked me to ‘pass it on’.

I was so touched! I love when other people join in!

Leaving the shop I was still smiling when I went to buy some ‘jeggings’ – I hate that word but basically I need jeans with legging tops now I have a colostomy bag…anyway I’m going off topic (again!)

So I was trying them on and while doing so I could hear two friends chatting through the curtain of the cubicle next to me.

Their utter joy and laughter was infectious! From their ensthusiastic batter I gathered that one was helping the other buy a selection of clothes for various up coming events. What struck me was their passion. The one trying on the clothes was so unashamedly grateful for her friend’s help. Lsughing loudly she kept thanking her and declaring that she had ‘never looked so good’ and ‘couldn’t wait to show people’. The whole dialogue screamed LOVE!

I was really touched and knew straight away that I’d have to give them the envelope I’d just been passed moments before.

As I left I slipped the envelope into one of their hands and was met with the usual look of confusion and a mumbled ‘thankyou’ which, when combined, always translates  as ‘who the f*ck is this crazy woman handing me an envelope’.

As ever, it gave me so much joy and I hope the ladies got as much out of it as I did. I just love being able to pass on acts of kindness in this way.

So, tell your friends you love them;  be unashamedly you; and scatter kindness around wherever you go!

Oh and always remember you are beautiful!

Love and light, Fi xxx

ovarian cancer

#LifeWithCancer

In January 2016 I was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer. I was just 30 years old.

Overnight my whole world changed as words like ‘incurable’, ‘advanced’ and ‘aggressive’ filled my life.

I though that was it. I thought my life was over.

It turns out that I was wrong.

You see, positivity comes from within and life is what you make it…

As for #LifeWithCancer, it’s been pretty awesome!

I’ve done some incredible things since I was diagnosed. I’ve set up my own Bliss yoga business for kids and adults, I’m about to publish a book to help other people facing adversity, I’ve been in two BBC documentaries, I’ve swum with sharks, been on a cruise, been to award ceremonies (and even won some award!), walked at the top of a mountain, most importantly I’ve started truly LIVING!

You see #LifeWithCancer doesn’t have to be the end…it can be the beginning of something wonderful. So go out and grab life. Claim it, live it and love every second of it because at the end of the day life is for living and having fun each and every day!

Love and light, Fi xxx

#LifeWithCancer

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Raising Awareness – Woman’s Health

During my recent hospital admission ‘Woman’s Health’ – a website dedicated to providing women advice on a range of female health issues, picked up one of my blog posts featured on Ovarian Cancer Action and published it for their readers (in their own words).

Why Ovarian Cancer Remains Difficult to Diagnose

Together we will raise more awareness about Ovarian Cancer.

Love and light, Fi xxx

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Did you know smear tests DO NOT screen for Ovarian Cancer?

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Meeting my Anesthetist (video)

I’ve spent the day in hospital today waiting for my surgery tomorrow. It’s been a pretty uneventful day as my blood tests this morning showed that my platelets and white bloods cells are at the right levels for surgery meaning I didn’t need a transfusion – hurray!

I got to meet my anesthetist this evening and he was very reassuring. He talked me through all the various forms of pain relief and monitoring he we will be using on me and I  now actually feel very relaxed about my big op tomorrow!


Aside from that I’ve spent the evening having some quiet time to myself relaxing and keeping calm with some adult colouring which, in my opinion, is a wonderful tool to keep my mind off the next few days.


I’m feeling the calmest I’ve felt since I heard what my operation would involve and this is down to the medical team at the hospital I’m in and the lovely messages I’ve received from my friends and family ( I love you all!). It’s also, without doubt, due to the messages I’ve received from women around the world who have had the same or a similar operation to what I have planned. These messages have come from women whom I’ve never met, each discussing their treatment, operation and recovery in a way that has comforted and reassured me that I am not alone. I am so grateful to each and every one of you for being part of my journey.

Thank you!

I also made a new friend ‘Steven’ this afternoon who has ensured I’ve kept smiling…after causing me to nearly fall out of bed when he flew at my window!


With love and light, Fi xx  

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Surgery Plans – Update (Video)

I met with my surgical team a week ago and they provided me with an update of what my surgery next week will involve.

It’s a little bit scary as they are doing lots during a ten hour operation so I thought the best way to share this with everyone would be through a video of me explaining it in summary…enjoy…and please don’t judge my drawing too harshly.


Love and light, Fi xx