I’m sorry…I didn’t know before what it was like….
To love someone and watch them be diagnosed with incurable cancer.
I have, of course, felt the pain of being diagnosed myself.
I’ve managed the emotions of others as I tell them good news and bad…the highs and the lows…always underpinned by the fact that I’ll never be cured…that my cancer is terminal…that treatment is just ‘buying us precious time together’.
I often suspected it was worse for them than it was for me….the ones who were watching…the ones who love me…the ones who would be left behind…afterwards…
When I felt pain; when I was sick; when I couldn’t get out of bed; when I was in a wheelchair; when I was kept alive by a drip…at least I knew how I felt, at least I knew what I needed…they, however, just had to watch…they just had to hope that their words were enough while they lived with the fact that they could never take it away from me; the pain; the illness; the suffering…no matter how much they wanted to.
For the past 3.5 years it is mainly those who love someone with cancer that message me…asking for advice, for hope, for answers, for anything I can suggest that they can do to help the person they love with cancer…
Reflecting on this, and reflecting on my own loved ones, I often thought it must be harder to watch someone you love have cancer than to have it yourself…
I often thought…
But now I know…
Now I know it’s harder.
Now I have to hold the hand of someone I love…
Now I have to be the one who would do anything to take away the pain; to make it all better; to fix them…
Now I know for sure…
I preferred it when it was just a thought…
To everyone who loves someone with cancer…now I see you…truly see you…because now I am your sister too…now I am no longer just a woman who stands with her fellow cancer warriors…now I stand with you too; now I am one of you; now I know for sure that the pain you face is harder.
I love you, Fi xx
Note: I will not be disclosing who has been diagnosed, just that I love them – it’s their story to share, not mine.
But it’s not my Ewan 🥰
Read more in my books
Listen to my groundbreaking podcast on all podcast apps – search for ‘Live Like You Are Dying’
Book a place at one of my retreats.
Fi is Currently:
Cuddling Ewan on our sofa.
Reflecting on everything I’m learning through this crazy journey of life.
Decluttering our home and creating more space for love.
Reading ‘when the body says no’…a great book about stress!