It must be about time for another overly long post about life with cancer…here goes…xxx
…on the first day of my chemo I found out that my cancer is stage four – not stage three as originally thought.
This news wasn’t entirely unexpected – we’d been told from day one that they thought this was the case but needed to do more biopsies before they could be sure. These show that I have cancer in my ovaries, my peritoneum (the membrane that surrounds and keeps my internal organs in place) and my omentum (the fatty membrane that covers the front of my intestines) and now on, not in, (there’s a huge difference apparently) my right lung.
So how does this change things? Well for one even my positivity took a wee blow with this news. I’m a runner. Exercise is my one and only hobby. All I could think was ‘but I need good lungs to exercise…’
It wasn’t so much the ‘cancer’ news that hurt but the news that a part of my body that I very much value above most other parts was now damaged.
But that all changed when I had an inspirational conversation with a near stranger who knows about my love of exercise and heard my cancer story on the radio.
They said to me – “what you need to do every day is put on your running clothes and go for a walk at the time you used to run.”
I thought this was crazy – I’d already packed my running gear away thinking I wouldn’t need it again.
But they went on, suggesting that the psychology of these actions have positive associations for me and that by doing this routine I would be doing something positive for myself.
Then they said the best piece of advice I’ve heard since my diagnosis: “If you walk in your running clothes every day, one day you may manage a 30 second run or one day you may even manage longer. But you know what? You won’t ever manage to run sitting in your house.” So simple. So true.
So since then, every morning, I’ve put on my running clothes and I’ve gone for a walk round the block and although it’s tiring it’s also the highlight of my day. It’s the moment I feel most alive. It’s the moment I’m not a cancer patient.
I realise now that I am not fighting cancer. I am living with cancer.
And you know what? That’s ok.
Two things to take from this:
- Each day you have the opportunity to inspire and help someone, maybe even a stranger. Take the opportunity.
- There is nothing you cannot do.
love and light, Fi xx